What I Have Learned During Treatments

So as anyone reading this blog will know im undergoing treatments for both stage four endometriosis and endometrial carcinoma. The side effects are brutal and I have been experiencing and learning a lot both good and bad and want to share. I hope this will help those who either are going through treatments to feel that they are not alone or those who know people going through long term treatments to understand some of the underlying feelings. First I want to share with you the side effects that happen in more than 60% of patients on the medications I am on. I have expiernced just about every single one of these. Some on a daily basis.

Fast irregular heart beat, excruciating deep bone, muscle, and joint pain, loss of bone density and predisposition to fractures, numbness in the extremities, anxiety, depression, mood swings, increase facial hair growth, and scalp hair loss, temperature regulation issues (feeling extremely hot and then extremely cold), swelling of feet and legs, weight gain or weight loss, trouble sleeping, chills, fever, shivering and or convulsions, sore throat, nausea, vomiting, extreme fatigue, breast pain, dizzyness, migraines, muscle weakness, confusion, memory loss, loss of balance, rashes and dry skin, decrease chances of fertility, itching, lower immune system causing slow wound healing and inability to fight off infections, changes in nail texture of loss of nails, mouth sores, easy bruising, wide spread nerve pain, muscle atrophy, bitter taste in mouth causing lack of appetite, sensitivity to noises and smells,

So know that you know what the last month and a half have felt like have what the next 4.5 months have in store let me tell you what I have been learning....

People will call you strong

 Most the time this is a very welcome complement but other times you'll wanna slap the person in the face and yell " well I didn't really have a choice did I?" but... most the time it's appreciated. So if your someone trying to say to help a friend go ahead and say it...  

You will have a greater outpouring of compassion then ever before

This has been one of the things that keeps me going. I have had friends I lost connection with years ago contact me, I have had acquaintances I barely know offer to pay for treatments, buy me wigs, fly out and stay with me, or go to treatments with me. I have had strangers tell me my story has pushed them to get help or inspire them and asked if they could share about my journey. I have gotten cards, gifts, flowers, and money. I have been humbled beyond belief to see how many people care. I would never have never experienced this otherwise. And it really does help. So people... write that letter, give that gift, send that email or private message etc.... its not weird. You may hardly know the person. No grand gesture needed... but knowing people care is so so so powerful!

\

People will surprise you

People you would have thought would be the ones there for you every step of the way will fall to the back burner. Some will shock you with their lack of support and empathy. And it will hurt... deeply. You will feel as though you've been led to believe a lie and that they really don't care for you as much as you had thought. Just remember...they usually can't fathom the consequences of their action or may not even realize their actions at all. They are fighting their own battles and just don't have the energy for you. Don't take it personal. It about them not you. But others will step up. People you probably didn't expect... I have had 3 in particular. Who went/go above and beyond to show they care. They are purposeful about checking in and keeping an eye on me. They notice when I grimace or when I leave the room quickly cause my meal isn't sitting. They remind others what I am going through when they are being demanding. They push me to take care of myself when I am trying to power through like nothing is happening. People like these will touch you deeply and you will grow closer to them then you ever would have if you staid healthy. They are your heros. The ones that keep you going.

You will get mad at stupid things

You'll get mad because a friend is telling you about their plans through text and you know your gonna be home trying to decide if you have the energy to make yourself dinner or if your gonna go another night without cause you don't have the energy to stand up one minute longer. Then you will get mad at yourself for being mad at your friend cause you know its not their fault and you're being ridiculous. You'll be mad because getting up in the morning is really hard and that just pisses you off. You'll get mad cause someone say the wrong thing when trying to comfort you. You'll get mad when some one doesn't say something. You'll get mad that you have to work. And you'll get mad when people ask you why you don't take time off. You'll get mad at your dog for needing to pee when you don't want to go outside any more. You'll get mad at the dishes for needing done, or your body for hurting. It's okay... be mad... but be mad alone... These feelings will pass but things said when your mad won't go away. If you mad excuse yourself from the room or conversation and revisit the situation when your level headed. Scream in your pillow or into the wind... not at people.

You will beat yourself up

You'll get frustrated that your not stronger. You will compare yourself to others who have it worse then you and you'll feel guilty. Then you'll get mad at yourself for being too strong... for pushing through the pain and then getting home and being completely overwhelmed with exhaustion and pain. You'll be mad that you didn't appreciate your healthy body more. You'll get anxiety about how you should exercise, or meal prep, or get that last task done but you just can't... So you beat yourself up. You'll stress yourself out. You'll feel like your failing. When this happens remember... your treatments are temporary and terrible... it is okay to fail a little here and there.

You will find joy in things you've never noticed before

Perhaps it's the drug induced emotions... but I think there is more to it. I have found myself moved to tears at little things I took for granted before. Someone offering a helping hand, my understanding co-workers, the blessings of being able to do what I love for a living, having the financial stability to buy a comfy couch, the smell of the air after in rains, my horses trotting to great me, people caring about me for no reason other then the fact they just do, God's power and love for me, health insurance, family, the story's others share with me... It like all of this has made me stronger yet softer. Perhaps it is because physically I am forced to slow down so I take more in, or maybe it's because this could have killed me and that makes the blessing of life a little sweeter idk... but it is a blessing all the same...

You can function at a point of exhaustion you never thought possible

My symptoms are long and ongoing.  My idea of "good" has changed. People ask how I am and I say good if I didn't throw up in the morning, I have a headache instead of a migraine, and my body only hurts when I am moving. And that become okayish. I've learned to cope with that and that has made me both stronger and more compassionate to others.

People will try to compare their stories to you

Unless you have experienced exactly what I have just stop. People will try to compare whatever illnesses and ailments they have ever had to mine. Even if this comes from a place of wanting to show you understand most the time its destructive. Don't compare your pain ever! You have no idea what I am going through or how a feel. You have no idea whose pain is/was worse and frankly it doesn't matter whos was "worse". Trying to compare often gives the impression of trying to one up the person your comparing to. This only makes the person who is currently struggling feel weak and like they have to justify feeling like crap. Like they should be stronger cause they could have it worse... trust me... everyone struggling with any kind of pain already compares themselves to others enough and beat themselves up for not being stronger... don't add to it. There is a right way to share your advice based on your experience... Do it at a completely separate time. Not after the person who is struggling just told you how shitty they feel. Be sure to emphasise that you don't know exactly what the other person is feeling but that you experienced ______ and ______ helped you and you wanted to share just in case they'd be interested in trying. If you aren't coming from a place of trying to share something to ease a struggle don't share. Don't compare. I had a wonderful women who also had cancer send me a long email about things that helped her. She shared her tips and experience but never one upped my situation, told me it would get better, or it could be worse. She simply shared what helped her. That is constructive sharing... It is not constructive to ask someone how there feeling then respond "yea, I am ___ too" or "Yea, I feel like that all the time" cause... you don't. Everyone is different and you have no idea how i'm feeling. I have done this to others and never really realized how destructive it can be till I was on the receiving end to such an extreme. It really sucks.

You will enjoy parts of the journey and that will surprise you

Some of this has been listed above... but through your recovery you will be poured into, you will have opportunities you never did when you were healthy, you will appreciate the little things more... Treasure this, milk it for all its worth... take the time it takes to smell the rain. Let yourself be loved on. These become your "reason" for the journey... your silver lining.... take it all in.

Being strong sucks

If your like me, rolling over and quitting life for the duration of your treatments isn't an option. So you get stronger. You grit your teeth and smile. You cry only when no one is around. You stand up straight when people are looking but gimp as soon as they turn around. You rally at the expense of your body. And because you put on a great show people don't take it easy on you. People expect you to carry on like you did before treatments. They forget what your going through. And it is exhausting... Living the same life as before with half the energy and immense pain. It's like you get punished for being strong. People stop trying to help or don't look any further. So for those of you who know someone going through rough seas... just cause they act okay doesn't mean they are. Still offer help, still be understanding, still check in, being strong is much harder than being weak... support them. They deserve it even if they don't ask.

You'll cry.... alot

I am not really a cryer... but... well maybe I am now... I cry because something went well, or cause i'm thinking about how much I care about something, or cause i'm hurting, or cause im mad... who knew one person could cry so much.... but I don't mind... seems there is something healing about tears.

You will feel extremely lonely

This has been one of the biggest kickers for me! During the day I charge full force ahead. I don't let myself dwell on the the pain or emotions. I can't... I would fall apart. So I fly through the day like nothings going on. Then when i'm done around 7 I collapse on the couch or in bed. And it all comes flooding in. I often hardly have the energy to make dinner or turn on the tv much less to reply to texts or phone calls as much as I appreciate them. So I sit there tired and lonely. Wishing I had someone just to sit with... but back to that being strong sucks  things... I don't want to impose or ask for company cause I know people can only give so much so I sit... I pray... and some days that really helps... others I still feel lonely. I suppose that's part of this. So if your someone who knows a person struggling... particularly one whos normally an extrovert. Ask them if they like company some time ahead of time... then be in tuned... if it seems like they have had a tough day text them that your coming over unless they don't want company then show up. Worse thing they can do is tell you no when you get there. Then just sit with them. turn on the tv or read a book. Maybe start a load of laundry or do dishes if it looks needed. This is really for those of you who are close to the person. If your not close and feel like they may feel the need to entertain you or not tell you if they need alone time proceed with caution.

Everyone will ask you how they can help

It is like something everyone say when they don't know what to say but it is confusing cause you don't know who means it and who doesn't. Some people say it but if you ask they will feel imposed upon. Others mean it... but typically cause you don't know who is who you don't ever ask for help. So for those of you who mean it try being more specific. "would you like help with chores today?" "Do you have any laundry that needs done?" "Do you have meals for the week?" for those of you not close enough for that kind of stuff "are there any care products you are running low on I could order for you?" "What can I pray for you about" "Do you have any emails or papers I could scribe for you over the phone?" etc etc

You will inspire people

Your actions will be magnified and you will be given a platform to share advise, hope, and love. Watch your step... you could be changing people's lives. Take this on and power and courage and inspiration. Fight the good fight how ever you can and you never know whos life you'll change because of it. What great power and opportunity. Use it wisely. 

No Hair, Don't Care

So, as many of you know I made the plunge and shaved my head last night. I did so not because I had hardly any hair left but because I was starting to lose big patches and it was affecting me mentally. Every morning I would wake up to another clump on my pillow. I'd brush my hair and there would go another. I would showers and there went some more. Hair was decorating every room I entered. It was clogging my drains and covering my apartment.  If I brushed my hair just right you still couldn't tell because, as many of you know I had a ridiculous amount of hair to loose before I went bald even if I was losing clumps. But, if the wind blew or I flipped wrong I had huge bald spots running down  either sides of my head and one large one in the back of my head. Yes I probably could have held onto it longer. Changed my part a million and one times and maybe I wouldn't have even have lost it all, not everyone does.... But that wasn't the point. The point was, every time I lost a chunk I was reminded I was sick. I was reminded I was losing my one most complimented physical attribute.

My boss had some of her employes in town , one of whom is recovering from breast cancer. We were introduced and started talking. She told me about when she was losing her hair and how hard it was. How after she shaved it she felt so free. Like me, she did not wait for it all to fall out. She took matters into her own hands. The way she shared how it made her feel reaffirmed what I already knew. I needed to face this head on. I am not a wait and see kinda girl and this was affecting my emotional state.... my hormone treatments are doing a good enough job of that themselves so I decided I was gonna face this head on... literally.

I sat with Tami Saturday evening and contemplated if it was time. She told me "I can't make this decision for you". That I already knew.... So with a deep breath I let out the phrase "It's just hair!... right?" She looked back at me and with a smile said "Yup, it is just hair." And in that moment I decided to go for it! Put some makeup on and set up the video camera (I may or may not be uploading that video at some point).

I blasted my "fight like a girl" playlist and off we went... it went... My hair went of and around and down into every crack, crevasse, and crease in the vicinity. Tami's hands shook as she shaved me bald but her friendship kept me steady. We laughed and joked and cried. I didn't so much cry because of how I look... because, let's not joke, I look kinda badass if I may say so myself . I cried because losing my hair made it all so real. It hit me with what this all means for my future near and far. The opportunities these challenges will bring and take away. And not just for me... this made it real for everyone else. This invisible illness that has haunted me so long was now visible. This was both saddening and empowering and overwhelming all in an instant. So I cried for a moment and then I took a breath and pushed on.

The next thing I did was video chat with my family who were all supportive but more or less speechless at the occurrence of what had just happened. I posted on facebook and had no idea the response I would get. I posted to my wall and to an endometriosis support group. In less than 24 hours I had 1020 likes and 223 comments. 4 people private messaged me to tell me I was an inspiration, two people told me they think they have endo and didn't know until reading my story and now have Dr. appts or are looking for a Dr. to help them. 8 friend requests from people asking if they can follow my story to give them hope. I have had more people tell me I am brave and beautiful in one day then probably ever have or ever will again. I sit here in tears from the outpouring of support and love. To think I thought hair was such a powerful attribute of mine only to find that without it God is working in ways I never dreamed possible. I am humbled and baffled at this response for I am really not too brave or all that strong. You can ask the ones closest to me... I am actually quite a wreck about 90% of the time, flying through life by the seat of my pants!

Somehow and for some reason God is using me in ways I never imagined. He is giving me the strength, that I could not have on my own, to see the blessings in my life through the struggles. To see the opportunities through the pain. Yesterday I lost my hair. I have a life long disease. I am going through treatments whos list of common symptoms alone could make you sick. But sitting here... my joints are aching, my stomach turning, but my heart is still. All I can think to myself is a phrase written by a man who truly is an inspiration. A man who had a son die of pneumonia, 4 daughters die in a shipwreck,  and who lost his business in a fire all in the same year. This man's name was Horatio G. Spafford and some of you may know his work. It goes a little like this...

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul 

I do not deserve half the compliments I have received in the last 24 hours. But if I honestly have inspired one person to keep fighting, if I have helped one person find their diagnosis, if I have lead one person to realize they are more than what they see in the mirror, or if I have helped one person find peace through their suffering... Well then God has made all this pain and these struggles worth it and it is well with my soul.

I won't stop here. I will keep sharing and educating in hopes to make a bigger difference in the lives of others. I will keep praying and keep fighting. Endo wont stop here so neither will I.

I also wanted to put something out there... I started losing my hair from the ad back hormonal therapy for my endometriosis before the chemo agent even started to kick in. Cancer sucks but mine luckily was caught early. Cancer was/is a blip. It will be here and, fingers crossed it will be gone again in no time flat. People see no hair and they think cancer. Cancer has so much power behind its name because people know what it is and what it's treatments do to your body. One of my goals to help get that understanding about endo as well. The list of symptoms caused by my endo treatments are longer than the list of symptoms caused by the cancer treatments. Cancer is no small thing. And I am not on some of the cancer "big gun chemos". I am not trying to be little cancer at all. But what I am saying is that endo is also a big thing and it is a lifelong thing. So when you see bald don't always think cancer cause there are a lot of strong women in my support group who lost their hair and struggle every day with "just" endo as well... and that is no small thing...

Sweet Potato Curry

I was going to make a video... but I got a killer head ache and decided to take a shower. So instead of making a video looking like a drown rat I thought I would share a new recipe I really liked!

***ps if anyone has any tips for these hormone therapy induced headaches please share!!***

 One of the trickiest things on this diet is making things sweet enough without using chemically refined sugars like cane sugar and brown sugars. I am always looking for more "natural" ways to sweeten my food. In this recipe I used the sweet potato to accomplish this. Sweet potatoes are packed with starch.More specifically polysaccharides. Polysaccharide are made up of many smaller glucose molecules. These glucose molecules are what register as sweet on you tongue. The tricky thing is that you tong will not detect the sweet as well in the polysaccharide form. So to take advantage of these sweet little molecules we must break down the polysaccharides. This can be done by soaking the sweet potatoes in a temperature of about 135 to 170 degrees fahrenheit for an extended period of time. I will be using this method in the following recipe but this is also a great tip if you ever oven roast sweet potatoes. I helps the carmelization process and makes the end result less fibery.

As many of you know soy is one of the worse things some one with endo related issues can eat because it is extremely estrogenic. But one thing not as many of you may know is that soy is hidden in just about everything! So I put warnings to check ingredients by every item that commonly has soy in it. (fish sauce, plum sauce, spicy sriracha oil  & Worcestershire sauce). Bellow are images of the ingredients I did use:

 

Kinda Defective and Really Expensive

Well all....
Here posting again...

Start to my diet is still going alright.... well... as far as me not breaking it.... alas I'm pretty sure I may be in sugar withdrawal. Idk if that is an actual thing but I have been soooo moody and I typically am not a very moody person haha. Yet I remain determined. Even went to the dine in theaters and had an avocado chicken salad and a pineapple cucumber spritzer instead of my normal burger and baileys chocolate shake.... Not gonna lie and say the two were equally as good but it was alright! I have found two amazing recipes though that have saved my butt this week! (keep reading to find out what they are)

First off to start each morning I have been making dairy free over night oats. Super easy and I get my sweet fix in the morning. Really, they are quite good. I typically am a person that skips breakfast cause I don't have time... But now that I am trying to be healthy I needed something fast and easy in the am. I have tried two types and like both... be it the blueberry pancake is my favorite.

Strawberry Overnight Oats 

• 2 Strawberries
• 1 TBSP Sugar free real fruit strawberry jelly
• 1/2 TBSP Honey
• Rolled oats
• Almonds (your personal desire amount)
• Coconut milk 
• Strawberry sugar free coconut yogurt

Step 1: Get a mason jar and fill 1/3 jar with oats and 1/4 jar with yogurt. 

Step 2: Top with jelly, chopped strawberries, honey, and almonds.

Step 3: Fill remainder of the jar with coconut milk add lid and shake vigorously 

Step 4: Pop in the fridge overnight and you'll have breakfast ready when you wake up. I ate mine cold but I am sure you could microwave too

Blueberry Pancake Overnight Oats

• 1 1/2 TBSP Pure maple syrup
• Rolled oats
• Chopped pecans (your personal desired amount)
• Coconut milk
• Vanilla coconut yogart
• 5-10 Blue berries 

Step 1: Get a mason jar and fill 1/3 jar with oats and 1/3 jar with yogurt. 

Step 2: Top with pecans, blueberries, and maple syrup.

Step 3: Fill remainder of the jar with coconut milk add lid and shake vigorously 

Step 4: Pop in the fridge overnight and you'll have breakfast ready when you wake up. I ate mine cold but I am sure you could microwave too

Now the winning recipe of the week!!! It was so good I almost forgot I was on a diet!

Okay, I can't take all the credit for this one... I did get the idea from pinterest and adjusted it to like liking. I hope you all like it equally as much!

Cajun Shrimp and Chicken Sausage Foil Wrap

I made 3 foil wraps with the ingredients bellow.

• 3 Mango habanero chicken sausages
• 2 1/2 cups large shrimp (uncooked)
• 1 1/2 cups corn
• 2 Red peppers (sliced)
• 1 Green zucchini (sliced)
• 1/2 red onion (chopped)
• 2 cloves garlic (minced)
• 2 TBPS olive oil
• 3 TBSP Pinto Grigio white wine 
• 3 pinches dried parsley
• 3 pinches dried basil
• 3 pinches red pepper flake
• 1 1/5 TBSP Cajun seasoning (endo tip most brands have soy, so has estrogen and should be avoided. Check your label)
• Salt (to taste)

Step 1: Cook you sausages completely in a frying pan... or how ever you like then cut into thin slices.

Step 2: Combine your red pepper, zucchini, onion, garlic, olive oil, corn, and salt and toss together.

Step 3: Peel your shrimp if needed then toss with red pepper flakes and cajun seasoning

Step 4: Divide you shrimp, veggies, and sausage onto three sheets of foil

Step 5: Top each with one TBSP of white wine, a pinch or parsley, and a pinch of basil

Step 6: Now you can throw them in the fridge or freezer or move on to step 7

Step 7: For fridge preheat oven to 425 and cook for 15 minutes, for freezer add pack to cold oven then heat to 425 once oven reached full temp cook for another 35 minutes.

Some endo-friendly facts about these meals!

Oats: are high in fiber and help reduce estrogen levels in the blood. They also help with people who tend to get upset stomach if they eat most food first thing in the morning!

Pure maple syrup: is a healthier all natural sweetener then white cane sugar. In 1 TBSP it has 33% of your daily magnesium requirement too! Super vital to anyone on hormone treatments that could be experiencing bone loss!

Zucchini: is one of my favorite veggies to cook with. I love its texture in meals like this and in stir fries. It has health benefits to make it even better. It is a good source of potassium and vit. C, both are vital for over all health! It is an anti-inflammatory that can help with your endo flares. Also because it is both high in fiber and fluid it is great for people who had trouble with digestion as fiber will help runny stool and the fluid will help with constipation. 

So now for non-food related new... I have been struggling with getting my meds here and covered... Currently the one that is causing all the issues is being processed in a pharmacy in New York . I guess because it has such ill-effects and is so potent only some pharmacies will deal with it. Got a call yesterday saying it will hopefully be sent out to my Dr. on this upcoming Tuesday. So hoping to start treatment end of next week or start of the following. Still little luck finding coverage for the one drug my insurance won't cover... but the rep-agency my Dr. referred me to said they are gonna keep working on finding me some kinda financial help.

Things have kinda been setting in this week. I am getting nervous about treatments. I have been having terrible dreams... and I have been struggling with what all this probably means for my future as far as ever having kids is concerned. It is all a lot to take in. But everyone at my work has been super supportive and I am so glad I don't have to go through this alone. No matter how hard the up-coming months will be I am so very blessed we caught it early and that I am where I am emotionally, and support wise in life to fight through it.

I hope you are all having a good week and if your a fellow fighter of endo or cancer be strong and keep on keeping on!

Post 2

I started a new diet plan that is supposed to lower my chances of cancer recurrence and slow the progression of endometriosis between surgery along with hormone therapies. Why diet? well to put it simply endometriosis and endometrial cancer are worsened by high levels of estrogen. Many foods we eat every day either can increase our bodies production of estrogen or having chemical compounds similar to the estrogen in them (phyto-estrogen). Both can cause the same physiological effects that women struggling with endometriosis or estrogen sensitive cancer should avoid. Now, some foods that have chemical compositions similar to estrogen (phyto-estrogen) can bind to estrogen receptors but not produce the negative effects estrogen. This is where researching on estrogen low diets can get tricky but that has to do with the physiology of estrogen receptor agonists verses antagonists and that is a topic for another day when I am feeling really nerdy. So anyways! Foods that can negatively increase estrogen in your body includes: red meats, alcohol, dairy products (goats or cows), caffeine, and soy. Now there are some foods that reduce your levels of estrogen and should be increased in an endo diet or other low estrogen diets. Some food that reduce estrogen are fibre foods (whole grains, brown rice, oat meal, fruits and veggies etc), cruciferous veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, kale,  turnip, bok choy, etc), mushrooms (mushrooms lower levels of aromatase. Aromatase converts androgen to estrogen), red grape...

Similarly many of the same ingredients that elevate estrogen have "bad" prostaglandins. We all need prostaglandins and need a dietary source of them but again, without getting too into the physiology of it all, some prostaglandins can increase inflammation and uterine contractions (cramps) that many of us with endo struggle with. Bad prostaglandins are found in fatty cuts of meat, dairy, and other saturated fats. Good prostaglandins can be found in fish, pumpkin, nuts, dark leafy greens, etc

There are more things that can help with symptoms of endometriosis that I will go over here and there while listing recipe ingredients but that was the most vital information!

So on to the good part! The food! I love food... too much!

 The thought of this diet really is quite upsetting cause so many food I love are going away... Good bye my dear sweet pork carnita burritos smothered in queso, you will be dearly missed. But it's time to put on my optimism glasses! What a great way to challenge my cooking skills and creativity!

So I made my meal plan for the week and Sunday went shopping with one of my friends. Ended up paying around $150 (ouch).... But I am hoping once I get some of the basics each following weak will be a little cheaper!

What was on my shopping list this week:

Dairy free overnight oat (2 flavors)

Cucumber and smoked salmon (for snacking)

Dried fruit (for snacking)

Stuff for apple fruit leather (tried to make it last night and failed)

Ingredients for dairy free banana bread made with this seed flower stuff (haven't tried it yet wish me luck)

Sugar free peanut butter and jelly to make sandwiches with above mentioned bread.

Ingredients for chicken fajitas

Ingredients for salmon and asparagus (oven foil package dinners)

Ingredients for Cajun shrimp and mango jalapeno turkey sausage with chopped veggies (oven foil package dinners)

Ingredients for chicken avocado lunch wraps

I did a lot of prep work last night and will probably be cleaning the rest of tonight but so far I haven't craved anything yet!.... Oh wait, that is a lie... some one brought a bunch of Panera pastries and such to work to share... that was rough haha. I wonder if there is any way to make dairy free light fluffy pastries? hmmm...

For dinner tonight I gave one of the Salmon asparagus foil packages a try! It wasn't bad! So I figured I would share my recipe with you!

Salmon and Asparagus Endo Friendly Foil Dinner

What you will need:

(per package, I made a few so they could be ready when I need a quick dinner)

• One salmon fillet
• 8 sprigs of asparagus
• 1 to 2 slices of limon
• 1 sprig fresh dill
• 1 clove of garlic (minced)  
• 1.5 Tbsp of olive oil
• Salt & pepper (to taste)

Step 1: Prepare your asparagus. Wash, cut off fibery ends, & peel

Note: When buying asparagus look for stalks that are firm with fully closed bud tips. Asparagus should feel damp but not wet or dry and woody. For this recipe spears thicker then 1/3 in are ideal as the stalks are more tender then ones smaller then 1/3 in. They hold more water so they won't become dry cooking in the oven at high heats as well. Thinner spears are better for lower heat cooking like blanching or stir-frying. Also peeling your asparagus will help remove the outer layer of more fiberus bitter flesh.

Step 2: Align your asparagus in a row ontop on a sheet of aluminum foil. 

Step 3: Combine olive oil and minced garlic

Step 4: Drizzle olive oil/garlic mixture over the top of the asparagus and sprickle with salt & pepper.

Step 5: Remove skin from salmon fillet if present

Step 6: Salt and pepper bottom on fillet and place on top of asparagus bed.

Step 7: Drizzle more oil over top of fillet, sprinkle with garlic, add lemon slices and dill sprig.

Step 8: One last salt and paper to taste then wrap your meal up in its foil. Can be refrigerated or cooked from here.

Step 7: Cook at 400 degrees for 25 minutes.

Why is this meal good for endo sufferers?

Asparagus is a good source of fiber (remember how I said food high in fiber lowers estrogen?). The approximately 180 grams of asparagus in this receipt has 15% of the daily recommended amount vitamin B1 (thiamine). Thiamine is an anti-inflammatory and can help with endometriosis related pain, assists liver enzymes in the removal of bad estrogen, and has antioxidant properties. For toughs of us who are on hormone therapies like lupron it is vital to help maintain bone strength in any way possible. Asparagus also helps with that as it has vitamin K that has been shown to increase bone density and reduce fractures in patients with osteoporosis. It is also a neural diuretic meaning it increases the kidney's filtration rate and production of urine lowering fluid retention that can contribute to the dreaded endo-belly!

Salmon: remember how I said we needed those good prostaglandins to replace the bad ones... Well salmon is a great source of healthy prostaglandins. It is also high in Thiamine (see benefits listed above). Also high in vit B2, B6, and B12 .... I think i'll make another post on how all the vitamin Bs can help endo... haha. Salmon is also a good source of potassium (equivalent amount to a full banana). Potassium can reduce muscle cramping and reduces water retention (back to the endo-belly benefits). Has selenium,selenium also help preserve bone density.

Dill: There was a study done in Thailand that study the effects of herbs and menstrual cramps and dill showed some evidence that it improved menstrual cramping in some patients. There have also been studies done using dill extract that showed conclusive evidence that it lowers depression.

My Dx

Hello all,

As some of you know I recently had exploratory surgery. Finally after years of pain I have some answers. I have been debating on how or even if to share all this but I figured if my story can help even one lady, it's worth a share. And I also figured friends and family back home would like to know and stay updated.... So here goes nothing.

About a year ago I started having chronic low to medium grade back pain. I went to an orthopedic doctor who took radiographs of my back. He told me I had scoliosis and some bone spurs, but at my age he didn't want to do anything. So he put me on some steroids, told me to go to PT if I felt the need, and sent me on my way.

Fast forward about 4 months and my back pain had become excruciating. I got to the point I could hardly bend over and then one day it got so bad I dropped to the ground and got stuck on the floor unable to get up because the pain was so bad. So after a night of hyperventilating, taking every kind of pain med possible, and wondering if I was possible to die of pain, I went to urgent care. I was given more steroids and sent to another doctor. This doctor ran quite a bit of imaging on me over the next few months and I started going to PT three times a week. It was found I have damaged a few disks in my back. Because of my age, he wanted to avoid surgery and injections if possible. After around 4 months, I had an MRI to check the progress of the damage.  The disks seemed to be reabsorbing as both the physical therapist and orthopedic doctor told me they had expected would happen in someone my age. But I still was in pain. Not the acute crippling pain, but enough pain that it was having a pretty large impact on my day to day life.

This is where things started getting to me. The doctor told me whatever pain was left had to do with chronic pain pathways, damage that couldn't be fixed to my disks, etc...etc.  He said that this is what I had and this pain was most likely going to be my "normal" for the rest of my life. He suggested going on anti-anxiety medications because stress can make chronic back pain worse and basically told me suck it up and good luck. This news was completely overwhelming. Multiple times after long days at work when the pain was at a high, I'd get home to my apartment and stare at my wall. I was completely exhausted and depressed from the constant pain and not having a good explanation as to what exactly was causing the pain. I kept going to PT here and there and kept telling my therapist that it felt like something was physically pulling on my back when I tried to bend over.  Like I physically couldn't do it. Something felt like it was going to snap.  He said it was likely muscle spasms. So here I was, in pain and overwhelmed... it was affecting my ability to focus at work and I was no longer able to enjoy things as much as I used to like my horses and social life because I was running on empty all the time. But according to my doctor, this was going to be my life so on I went.

I started to notice that the pain got worse a week before my periods each month. Then my periods became irregular. So I decided to see an OBGYN. A friend at work told me about a nurse practitioner OBGYN she went to and the clinic had really good reviews online, so I went. At my appointment, she was very thorough in asking all kinds of questions. I have always had super painful periods. Some month so painful i’ll throw up or get dizzy but until now never had a Dr. really take note. She told me she was suspicious something was going on and she wanted to run a few tests, get some blood work done, and send me to get an ultrasound. At my ultrasound, a mass of abnormal tissue was seen. She told me she wanted me to talk to the OBGYN surgical specialist that worked at the clinic. So after returning from my visit back home for Christmas, I met with him to go over the ultrasound results. He told me he wanted to get me into surgery right away. So the following Thursday I went in for a robotic surgery to explore my abdominal cavity and remove whatever they found.

My good friend took me and it went smoothly. I've been recovering since then. I went in this past Tuesday for the results. I have between stage three and four endometriosis and he also found subsequent cancer believed to be secondary to a severe endometrial lesion. Pathology said there were clean margins and no obvious signs of metastasis to lymph nodes so we are optimistic they got it all in surgery but I still will have to go through hormone treatment to prevent spread of anything that could have been missed. I also had a loop of bowel partially twisted and adhered to the lumbar region of the back of my abdomen. The area of endometriosis that was at the base of  those adhesions had grown into the nerves coming out of my lower back. My surgeon thinks that this is likely what had been causing the chronic pain and weakening of the muscles around my back that predisposed me to the acute spinal injury... and also the pain that didn't go away after the acute injury seemed to be healing. My orthopedic doctor wasn't willing to look any further or refer me on. He was willing to tell me it was anxiety and if I hadn't kept looking for answers and listened to him I could be in a very scary situation. The cancer could have spread and the endometriosis would have continued to grow un-managed.

I am starting multiple hormone treatments and chemo to lower the risk of cancer spreading or coming back and to slow the progression of the endometriosis. The treatments can take quite a mental and physical toll, the doctor has warned me. There are also a lot of long term impacts that these diagnosis will have on my life but I am just so glad to finally have the right answers! And guess what? Post surgery, my back pain is gone! Please, people if you know there is something wrong deep down and your doctor is telling you there isn't, keep looking. Keep fighting. As I have seen first hand, doctors are far from perfect. Trust your gut!

I plan to keep this updated with both my progress and struggles through treatment as well as my experiences and advice for fellow endo warriors, so if you have endometriosis give me a follow... I'd love to share advice and stories. I will also share my offishal surgical report in a later post.